How do we make ourselves heard in a system that feels nothing for the children we’d move mountains for?

I’ve spent the weekend sitting with this question, not by choice, but because I’m forced to wait. Wait two days for even the faintest possibility that someone might read one of the two carefully crafted, passionately written emails I sent before the weekend. Wait, because the local authority cog of the SEND system clocks off at 5pm on Fridays. Wait even longer, seven more days, for the chance of someone reading the one I sent to the school, because schools run on term time, and next week is half term.

But I don’t get to clock off. I’m a mum. I don’t get evenings off, nor weekends. I don’t get half term holidays or any holidays from these duties for that matter. My role is relentless, and rightly so. I chose this. I chose to bring life into the world, and with that came the sacred duty to protect it, nurture it, and fight for its future. My children are not just my priority; they are a key part of my legacy.

And yet, here lies the problem: while my children are my everything, to the system they are merely data points. Case numbers. Budget lines. Their needs are filtered through spreadsheets which are buckling under the weight of a terminally broken system.

This is the chasm we’re trying to bridge with the copious amounts of free facilitation and additional legwork that we provide in the vain hope that with it, the system will function just well enough to enable our children to succeed. We do it, every minute of everyday, because we care, even if they don’t.

So, here’s what else I want my legacy to be. I want to initiate change for the better. Improve the SEND system by any and all means necessary. And in the meantime, to help as many other parents as possible to get what they need from it so that their children can thrive without them burning out.

We’ve got this.

My eight top tips for maximising the epicness of your correspondence with the SEND system:

1. Lead with our stories, not just data

We need to bring them with us, help them see our children as more than just numbers. When we communicate with professionals in the system, it’s hard to be concise while conveying the depth of our emotions. But both are necessary. Describe who your child is, what lights them up, what they struggle with, and what they dream of. Make it impossible for them to see just another number.

2. Treat every piece of correspondence like a golden, handcrafted arrow

Aim with care. Precision is key.

The SEND system is bursting at the seams with bureaucracy. We’re told who to speak to and when, about each specific part of the process. But sometimes, when we follow these rules, we can find ourselves experiencing the same brick wall responses. When that happens, we need to adjust our sites and aim higher.

Escalate when necessary. Use public websites to find out who sits above the person you’re dealing with and go straight to them. And if you’re still not getting the help your child needs, every service has a published complaints process, use it to lodge a formal complaint. Make your voice impossible to ignore.

3. Find allies inside the system

Not everyone in the system is indifferent, some are just overwhelmed. Seek out the professionals who care. Build relationships with those who listen, follow up, and show empathy. These are the people who can help you navigate the bureaucracy and amplify your voice. But be mindful of their limited capacity, we need to protect them and avoid becoming overly reliant on them.

4. Don’t lose respect

Don’t let the system’s incompetence dictate your tone. Staying respectful doesn’t mean backing down or conceding, our message stays the same, we just need to be mindful about how we say it.

It’s so easily done, these are our children’s lives we’re talking about after all, but when we speak with clarity and calm authority, we’re harder to dismiss, and more likely to be taken seriously.

5. Use collective power

One voice can be easily ignored. A community is harder to silence. Join your local parent and carer forum. Learn from others. Share your story. Together, we are stronger, and louder.

6. Use the templates available from IPSEA

And while we’re on the subject of collective power, you are not the first to travel this road, so there’s no need reinventing the wheel whenever you need to write a letter. IPSEA, an incredible charity supporting families navigating the SEND system, has created a wide range of expertly crafted template letters for almost every possible scenario you might face. Whether you're requesting an assessment, challenging a decision, or lodging a complaint, these templates help you say exactly what needs to be said clearly, legally, and effectively.

7. Use AI to get your point across

Using AI isn’t cheating so you shouldn’t feel ashamed of using it. I sometimes find it helpful in helping me make my messages more succinct once I’ve already drafted them.

Here’s an example… I’ve just written the above paragraph as a stream of consciousness directly from my brain, let’s see if AI can make it more compelling.

I asked Microsoft co-pilot to make it more compelling, here’s the result:

There’s no shame in using every tool at your disposal to communicate more clearly and effectively. For me, AI is most powerful as a second set of eyes — helping me tighten my message, sharpen my language, and say what I mean with clarity and impact. I still write from the heart; AI just helps me make sure it lands.

Pretty good right? Maybe a little over the top, but that’s easily softened. You might want to look out for ‘em dashes’ though. Em dashes are those extra-long hyphens that generative AI seems to love ‘—’ but which aren’t often seen otherwise. If you leave these in, people might suspect that you’ve used AI (not that it should matter) but they can be easily replaced with commas. You can even use it as a learning tool by asking why it made the changes it did!

8. Protect your energy like it’s sacred

And finally, please remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. The system may not take breaks, but it also doesn’t burn out, while we just might. Rest when you can. Ask for help. Celebrate small wins. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Your strength and tenacity make you your children’s greatest asset.